


Hetalia 2020

by PyroJuese



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Canon Compliant, Comedy, Current Events, Gen, Humor, Stereotypes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:14:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25615693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PyroJuese/pseuds/PyroJuese
Summary: The exciting year of 2020 told through the characters of Hetalia! Do America and Iran start a third world war? What's going on with Australia? What about this new virus? Look at that, it's all about that virus now. Month by month, the most interesting news is chosen and put in a humorous light. Updates monthly (probably)!
Comments: 37
Kudos: 112





	1. January: World War III

All of the countries were sitting in their conference room, waiting for the last two to arrive: America and Iran. Both were way later than they should have been. Suddenly America came bursting through the door covered in raggedy clothes and blood. He stumbled to his chair and sat down as if nothing happened. "So, what did I miss?"

The countries all started back in silence. "What did you miss!?" Germany questioned. "What did we miss?!

America laughed nervously. "Oh, nothing really. I just maybe started WWIII."

A chorus of "What!"s filled the room.

"So Iran killed my ambassador, so maybe slightly killed their second in command. Can I get someone to remind everyone else that I have nukes? Japan, you're good at that, right?"

"You can't just go around killing major politicians, you're already the scariest country," Canada said.

America looked at him. "blackface communist says what?"

"What?"

America laughed at his own joke, and nobody else. "Oh, come on guys, did you not hear the part where I said Iran attacked me first? How else was I supposed to respond?" An eye for a heart is what we say back where I'm from"

"No it's not," Britain hissed. He was clearly terrified of the thought of another world war. Italy seemed to be too.

"Germany! Not another war! We barely won the last one!" the pasta-loving country cried.

"We didn't win the last one," Japan corrected.

"THAT'S EVEN WORSE!"

Germany tried to calm his friend down as much as possible. "America is just exaggerating again. This won't be a world war, all he did was kill one guy."

Austria glared at Germany. "Oh, really? Haven't you ever heard of Archduke Ferdinand?"

Russia suddenly stood up. He made dead eye contact with America. "Should I get the nukes ready?"

"Almost, buddy, almost," America said.

"No, not almost!" Britain scolded. "A nuclear war could wipe out the entire human race! We aren't going to do this, America! Just make bloody peace with the middle east for Pete's sake!"

Israel and Palestine glare at each other.

Italy gulped in fear. "I surrender! Germany, save me!"

France nodded. "I surrender too, but you'd better keep your ugly pretzels away from my baguettes."

"Nobody is surrendering! We aren't at war! Stop picking sides" Britain yelled, "that's why we started the…"

Germany glared at him. "The what?"

"... the EU" Britain swallowed his pride.

"Too late," America said. "I'm already getting my draft ready. Now with all of this equality, we'll get double the soldiers by drafting women too. Isn't that great?"

"Well, gender equality is a pretty good thing…" Canada mumbled.

"See, this guy gets it!" America said happily. He wrapped a bloody arm around the country, making him noticeably uncomfortable. "Canada, when the next World War starts, you're with me, kay?" America leaned in close to his neighboring country. "But don't invite Mexico. He can help if he wants but we've kinda been building a wall recently, ya know. Oh, and Germany, I'm gonna give Israel nukes. You fine with that?"

"What? Ja! I mean nein, I mean… don't give nukes to anyone!"

"Why shouldn't we get nukes?" Israel questioned.

Soon enough, everyone starts arguing with one another until the door slowly opens. Everyone looked to see who it was, then all fell completely silent.

Iran wobbles in with a cane holding him up and a hand over the stab wound near his heart. He limped to his chair, sat down, and gives a death glare to America.

"Hey Iran, long time no see, did you lose weight? You must have done something with your hair," America awkwardly said after a few moments, trying to break the tension.

The entire room looked back and forth between the two countries. Iran cleared his throat. "Allah will get his revenge. We will stop the oil trade with the western world"

"Western World? What's that mean?" America asked.

"That's us," Canada said.

"Oh...Russia, now!"

To be continued


	2. February: Fire and Fury

America stood there, glaring at Iran, who glared right back. All they were doing was staring at each other from across the table. The other countries sat in silence, unaware of what to do. China broke the silence by coughing loudly, breaking all the tension. Every country turned and looked at him.

"What?" China asked.

"Do you mind?" America said. "I'm trying to threaten a country, look how strong I am against any threat! I'm unstoppable!"

Iran sighed. "I hate you, I WILL KILL..."

Russia held up a sign that said "Nukes" on it

"...Any chance of a war…" Iran finished.

America laughed. "Yeah because I'd win, Ha Ha!"

A slurping sound filled the conference room. Once again, it was China interrupting. He was slurping a bowl of soup with a horrible stench

Australia nudged China "mate, what the bloody knife is that, mate?"

"Oh, it's just bat soup. want some?"

Australia shook his head. "Nah, mate. It's way too hot for soup anyway."

"What do you mean it's too hot? It's Febuary," Britain questioned.

Australia shrugged in response then burst into flames. Surprisingly, not many countries cared about the spontaneous combustion.

Australia said "One sec mate" and ran out of the room screaming

Britain said, "Well that was awkward, he should drink more water."

"Speaking of water, I think I like socialism now," America said.

A chorus of "What?!"s came in response. "I thought you hated socialists," Russia said.

Canada laughed, "Could it possibly be because of healthcare?"

America waved his hand dismissively. "Pfffft, Who cares about healthcare? I can live through anything"

China coughed again. The attention was back on him, and for some reason, he was mixing chemicals together.

"What are you doing there?" Italy asked

"Oh just mixing viruses for science, its science, therefore, shouldn't be questioned," China quickly responded. He coughed again. "It'll be fine."

"In other news, I officially completed getting out of the EU," Britain laughed nervously, "That's good right?"

Every European country rolled their eyes. "You don't know how lucky you are that World War III got canceled," Germany mumbled.

Another loud noise distracted everybody, and, once again, it was China. He was cracking open a bottle then drinking it.

"¿Por que amigo?" asked Mexico

"It's a beer I thought I should try. Corona. I think you made it."

"Si," Mexico said, "Be careful though, amigo. It could make you sick"

China coughed again. "I'll be fine. Remember when I got the black plague a couple of months ago, Europe remembers, but everything turned alright. Besides, I have a wall."

"Yeah, you do," America said. "And it keeps those criminal, illegal Mongolians out, doesn't it?"

China blinked. "Um… I guess…"

Mongolia was pissed. He stood up in a rage, slamming his hands on the table. "You know what America! YOU-"

Russia held up his 'nukes' sign again.

"You," Mongolia thought for a second about what he could say, but gave up and just sat down.

Britain looked around at the countries. "Well, America is still covered in blood, China is being quite disruptive, and Australia is God knows where being on fire. I think that this was enough excitement for one meeting. Enough for the whole year, I would say, and it's elementary. How about we go home and meet again in March?"

Everybody agreed. They'd all meet up again in March, and hopefully, everything would be less hectic.

To be continued


	3. March: Madness

All the countries gathered like any other meeting except for China who was wearing a hazmat suit and a hospital mask, holding a gun.

"what are you okay?" Russia questioned.

China replied "oh yeah, it's nothing. I'm just a little sick."

Italy looked scared. "Oh no, is it bad?"

America interrupts, "Who cares, I have concerts and sporting events to plan. Now that nobody cares about the war I almost started, life will be easy again."

"I hope so," Italy murmured, "I don't think I could survive a bad sickness. Mama mia, there's so many old people…"

"I could survive anything," America gloated.

Everybody rolled their eyes. "Yes, America, we've heard," Britain said.

"Speaking of things I don't care about anymore, where's Australia?" America asked.

"He's crying about some extinct creature. A koala or something? It's an Australian thing. I swear everything is upside down with that guy," Russia said

A machine starts beeping from across the room, the countries turn around to see Italy in a hospital bed with a heart monitor attached.

"Mama mia" he wheezed weakly.

"Vhat die hell?" Germany questioned. He and Japan went to Italy's bedside. "Italy, vill you be fine?"

He coughed. "I-if I surrender, will it go away? It's contagious"

"STOP SURRENDERING TO EVERYDING!" Germany yelled.

Italy cried.

America waved his hand dismissively at the Europeans. "This is outrageous. Everything is fine. We're all young and healthy over here."

Iran, Spain, South Korea, Germany, France, Switzerland, and Britain started coughing.

"Lame," America said. He started to walk towards the closet. "what country is pathetic enough not to simply close its borders and not drink Corona, are you guys all hungover?" He closed the door, separating himself from everybody else. "Nobody is allowed in here. Except you, Britain."

America laughed triumphantly, but that soon turned into a cough."

France looked to Britain. "What's your son doing?"

He sighed. "I have no bloody idea anymore. He hasn't been the same since 2016."

Every county shuttered at that year. It really was a weird time to be a country. Now, it seemed like 2020 was giving it a run for its money.

America seemed concerned and put on a hospital mask and asked China across the room, "What are the symptoms of this pathetic disease anyway?

China shrugged. "Oh you know, the usual. A runny nose, sore throat, cough, fever, and in severe cases difficulty breathing and death. It's kind of like a cold, but we can't seem to make a cure."

America sniffed, cleared his throat, coughed, felt his head, then pressed on his chest. "I'll be back," America mumbled.

America leaves the room and screams. The countries can all hear him yell "God, tell me this isn't so! Show me a sign! I'm too successful to die!"

4 men on horseback ride up to the building, they get off the horses right in front of America, "Hi America, I'm Death and these are my friends, War, Famine, and Prescience, Thanks for bringing us back!" America backs up, "I know what this means" America points a gun at them and shouts "GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY AND CANCEL LITERALLY EVERYTHING! I NEED TOILET PAPER!" America blacked out and woke up in the meeting hall on a throne of toilet paper and a pile of hospital masks by his side. "Hello everyone. I just wanted to declare an INTERNATIONAL EMERGENCY. A TWISTED TAIL, A THOUSAND EYES, TRAPPED FOREVERRRR! EPa Epa EPaaaaaaa!"

"Shouldn't you be screaming for the CDC?" Canada asked.

"What the hell is a CDC? Didn't I get rid of that?"

"It's okay America," South Korea said. "I've found a way to test a lot of people quite fast."

"And my communist ways have also flattened the curve, but you might not be as successful in that," China said.

Canada added "Yeah here we've successfully isolated the virus and currently working on a cure thanks to free healthcare"

"Get your filthy metric system methods away from me!" America cried. "None of you took it seriously and now look at the world, I'm infected! The end is nigh, but I'll survive. I'll show you. Don't you realize the world wouldn't exist if it weren't for me?"

"Calm down," Germany said, then coughed. "If anybody should be vorried it's Italy. Just look at him!" Italy genuinely looked like he was about to die.

Italy suddenly seemed fine, almost happy even. He looked to Germany and said, "I can see the light, the big pizza pie in the sky, holy macaroni."

America interrupted. "No more traveling, screw you guys, no more sports, concerts, meetings or any gatherings. I'm going in total isolation and there's nothing you guys could do to stop me. I'm the strongest country!"

Canada coughed and America squealed and cried. "My stocks… My beautiful stocks are falling. It's 1929 all over again. I should start another world war, get everything back on track." He laughed like a madman. "Yeah. I'll start a war. Who wants to join the greatest country on earth?"

"No more Vorld Vars," Germany said. He was trying to make Italy stop trying to go to the light.

The four horsemen burst through the door, making America shriek "they're here for my toilet paper!"

Death replied, "no were here for China."

China coughed. "Okay." They rode over to him and he climbed onto the horse.

Death playfully made a finger gun toward Italy. "We're coming for you soon," he said, then they all rode out.

America said through his tears, "there's one thing we have to do…" He paused for dramatic effect. "We must cancel Earth 2020."

To be continued?


	4. April: Zoom Eternal

"Okay, I think this is all the members we're going to get are here," Britain said. Due to the recent events, the monthly country meeting was now over a zoom call, but hardly any of the 200 countries were in it. Only America, Canda, Japan, and the bigger European countries were there.

"Yeah, this is basically everybody I invited," America said. He was the leader of the zoom call, although the other countries don't exactly know how that happened.

Canada looked at all of the present countries and sighed. "America, don't you think that some input from African, Asian, South American, or Middle Eastern countries would be nice? At least Central American; Mexico's not even here…"

"Wow Canada, you just want to invite the creators of the corona?! Might as well invite China. Besides, Japan is here, and he's Asian. Russia's not here but I invited him too."

"Um, R-Russia isn't…" Canada started, but he saw the looks of the other countries which all basically said 'not worth it'. "N-nevermind."

A silence fell onto the call. To get back on track, Britain cleared his throat. "So, um, Italy, you look better. How's it going?"

Italy had a camera pointed at him from his hospital bed. He gave a weak thumbs up. "It's getting better. I've been alone here as I get to keep all of my pasta. It's done wonders for my body. All of my curves are starting to flatten."

America shoved a hamburger into his mouth. "That's the dream right there."

"I don't think Spain's doing too well though," Italy said.

Attention was drawn into the corner image of Spain being practically dead. America shrugged. "Yeah, he does that. It's just Spanish Flu 2.0 for him, but for me, this is 9/11 all over again, but longer." America shuttered at the thought.

"How is this in any way close to that?" France asked.

"Do you want me to bring out the conspiracy board? I put all of the evidence together, and I can prove how the coronavirus is fake, but I do have it and am going to die, also I'm not saying that it was an inside job, but could another country really be able to hurt me? That was phase 1, we're in phase 2020 now. I'm the only one here truly affected by this, and don't worry, my media won't let you forget it."

Germany muted America. "In more pleasant news, nearly 100,000 germans have recovered. And vith all of this time at home, I've been improving my cooking skills," Germany said.

"Yes, I have some pleasant news as well," Japan said. "The citizens of Japan have likely been using this time to repopulate."

Canada nodded. "In more good news, the pollution is down worldwide, and America hasn't had any school shootings for a long time now."

America cocked multiple guns. "We're saving our ammo for the real threat. Guns are essential here! Equally as essential as GameStop and grocery stores."

"Back to positives," Britain said, "so, Germany, you said you did some cooking? Personally, I have been calling the queen almost every day. Not to make sure she's not dead or anything, I just thought I should just call her more…"

"I've been busy not-dying," Italy said

Spain coughed in agreement.

"I have been watching Boku no pico," Japan said. "It has beautiful animation for the time. Also playing animal crossing."

America was cuddling with his guns. "I chose to play Doom. I've been studying. Preparing."

"I've cut my own hair, and it ended up a little uneven," Canada said.

"Shave it," America said.

"Uh… okay…"

Suddenly, a new member joined the call, but the video only showed a ceiling.

"Who's that?" France asked.

Incoherent Russian curses were coming through a very poor quality microphone.

The countries all groaned. "Russia," Britain said, "tilt the screen."

More Russian yelling was heard, then Russia's camera angle kept tilting down, his screen went black, then Russia left the call.

"He just closed his laptop, didn't he?" Britain mumbled.

Japan nodded. "That does seem to be the case."

America scoffed. "And here I thought Asians were smart…"

The countries all stared at America's square. "Can ve kick America out of future meetings?"

America started crying. "No, please, I'm so lonely."

Suddenly, the call started glitching and a new box appeared. No face was shown, but instead, it said 'China's communist ways have made it recover so fast, and it in no way started this virus'.

America hid underneath the camera's sights and aimed a gun at it. "It's China! Abort the mission! Don't look at my search history! I hate socialism now, I swear!" His screen flashed white, then black, and he left the call.

"America shot another computer," Canada mumbled.

More and more new members joined, all saying how great China is, and how it isn't faking results. "I have heard that Zoom as a website is quite susceptible to hacking," Japan said. "Due to this, many schools have resorted to using google meet."

"Great. Let's meet there next time," Britain said.

"If we survive long enough that is," France added.

Germany sighed and ended his call. Italy and Japan followed next, and eventually, everybody else followed.

To be continued... If we survive that long...


	5. May: Oh my

"This turn out isn't great…" Britain sighed. The Google meeting had even fewer members than last month's. Despite inviting all of the countries, barely anybody showed up. "America isn't even here."

"It's probably for the best," Germany said. "He seems to always make himself the center of attention."

Canada unmuted his screen. "He might come in later. After shooting his computer he got a $1,200 check, but then spent it on more guns and toilet paper. He says he's looking for a new computer off of craigslist now." He remuted himself.

"That's about right," Britain mumbled.

"I invited America to my birthday party," Mexico said. "He didn't show up. Nobody did. And it was Taco Tuesday too. Aí, aí, aí… un Cinco de mayo sin amigos…"

Ireland sighed. "That's about right. I had Saint Patty's in quarantine."

A notification appears saying that South Korea joined the chat. He looked super excited. "He's dead! He's dead guys!" South Korea exclaimed.

"What?" Multiple countries questioned.

"It's North Korea! Apparently, he's been in the hospital, and now he's dead, or at least brain dead! I just can't believe that he's finally dea-"

Suddenly, North Korea joined the call too. His screen was dark, but they could still see him wearing dark shades and slouching heavily. "Hello my fellow countries, it is I, North Korea, in the flesh and breathing," North Korea said, but his lips were suspiciously still. "I have been seen in public. I say, power to the women. I am more feminist than America. I am not dead." As swiftly as he joined, North Korea left again.

South Korea gestured at the camera. "See!"

"That is pretty suspicious. And there is a lot of lying going around right now. Not to name names, but China and Russia-" Germany was saying.

Russia cut him off. "Hey, I'm not lying! You just can't get any new confirmed cases when there are no tests being done."

"You aren't testing?!" Britain questioned. "Oh, Blimey, I'm going to have to snitch on you. I'll tell the whole UN. And, I'm going to tell the UN about how you and America aren't contributing to our collective 'COVID cure' funds!"

Germany rolled his eyes. "England, we've been over this. Stop snitching on everything. I used to have a similar policy, and it didn't vork!"

Russia cracked his knuckles and nodded. "You know what they say, snitches get nuked… It rhymes better in Russian."

Canada unmuted himself again. "Oh, Britain, please don't tell America, but I'm banning all of the scary-looking guns here. I don't think he's stable enough to learn that yet. He's already talking about 'killer bees', UFOs, and clones; I don't know how much more he can handle…"

"Murder hornets," Japan corrected. He shuttered. "That poor, poor man."

"CLONES!" South Korea exclaimed.

"Oh, yeah, you're still here…" Russia mumbled.

South Korea ignored Russia. "America is right! It all makes sense! North Korea died and that was just a clone!" he laughed. "It all adds up! The Queen's a clone, and America's becoming a clone!"

"The queen's not a clone!" Britain cried. "And she's not dead either! Sure, she hasn't been returning my calls lately, but that's only because she's staying safe and showing off her social distancing skills like a good citizen."

"Here in Germany, our situation isn't that bad. Our schools are even starting to open up again," Germany said.

"We've got a gas leak," India said. "Several people have died from it."

"There was a prison riot here that killed a bunch," Venezuela said. "My economy is tanking."

"Oh, why's that?" Canada asked.

"Have you not seen your gas prices? That's not good for the people around here."

"How unfortunate," Britain said.

The countries all sat there in silence. The already lacking number of countries was lowering. India, Venezuela, Irland, Russia, South Korea, and Mexico all left.

"You know," Germany mumbled, "This virus is really news-dominating."

Britain and Japan nodded in agreement, and Canada probably would have too, but he was distracted by something else. "Oh no!" Canada panicked. "Have you seen what America tweeted!"

"Ug, his tweets are the worst," Britain complained. "It's probably just the same old stupid ramblings that he…" Britain fell silent after looking at the said tweet. "Dear God…" he mumbled.

America spun around in his chair, then stopped when he was facing the camera. His hair was long and messy, showing off its roots. A mask was over his mouth, but the start of a beard was still visible. "Hey all you cool cats and kittens," he said, "I've got a great show for you today. But first a word from our sponsors Raid Shadow Legends! Are you going insane in this quarantine?" He laughed insanely, which turned into a cough. "I'm transitioning leaders, in debt, and dying! Please, think of the economy! Buy things, I beg of you! Buy my merch! Buy RAID SHADOW LEGENDS! BUY!"

America coughed again. "Well, now that we got that out of the way. Yes, It's me, the great and lovable America. I'm a YouTuber now. Like, what else am I supposed to do? I've started tik toking, twitch streaming, started drama with almost every country, well at least the ones that matter. I even thought about reading once. Yes, it's getting to be like that."

"Today, we're going to do the bleach injecting challenge to make sure I don't die of Corona!" America said.

He looked to the other side of himself. "No, you can't. That could kill you."

He looked back. "Nonsense. I have to! The media told me to! Media would never lie."

"You should go to a doctor if you're sick!"

America laughed at himself. "You know full well that I can't afford health care. I already spent my stimulus check, and unemployment isn't responding. But you know what? I'm still a free man. I can go outside and protest right now. I'll show you! I'll show the world!"

America stood up and ran outside, ripping off his mask. "See me world! I am better than the corona!" he yelled at the empty streets. He started clapping. "Imagine there's no heaven," America sang off-key and offbeat. "It's easy if you try!"

America turned his head again. "Aren't you a bit late to this?"

"No, shut up! I'm supporting the community!" He then continued to sing "We're all in this together. Once we know... that we are, we're all stars... and we see that-"

America stopped when he heard a buzz. He looked around then spotted a giant hornet. "Jesus Christ, that thing's huge! Where the hell did that come from? Probably China. Don't worry, I have a cure for the things that China sends…"

America walked into his house and came back out with guns and a cowboy hat on. He shot it. "The bigger the bee, the bigger the target. Try again China, I'm not impressed."

America flipped his guns around and put them into holsters, but his hands never left their handles. Turning his chin up, he takes one big whiff of the air. "Ah, yes. I know where to stop the 'rona." With that, he marched off all the way to an abandoned, broken movie theater. The country looked around. Everything was either growing mold, rust, or cobwebs. "What in tarnation is going on round here?" America asked.

"Yeah, sorry, my bad." a voice said. America spun around to see Pestilence sitting on his horse, with the other three close behind.

"Movie theaters are dead," said Death.

War laughed. "And you can thank Trolls of all things!"

A little piece of America felt broken. "No, it can't be… tell me it isn't true… not all movie theaters…"

"What can we say?" Famine said, "Disney doesn't own them."

Pestilence smiled. "Funny you should mention that. I actually struck a deal with Disney recently. I can't say much, but I can safely say Disney+'s timing was no coincidence."

America fell to his knees. "No… not theaters…" tears started rolling down his face. "They were everything I stood for. Nothing else could pull off charging that much for water, but it found a way! It always found a way to be the best damn capitalist dream! Theaters! You're too young!"

"Don't you think you're being a bit dramatic?" Death asked. "When it came to movie theaters, I was inevitable. The death of 2-D animation, #metoo, celebrity backlash, the prices… it just all added up."

"Speaking of dead, what are you doing out of your home? Don't you know that there's a virus?" Pestilence asked.

America stopped sobbing. "Virus," he murmured. "Virus. Virus! Virus?" he wiped away his tears. "You know what I think of your virus? I think that it's been closing up everything I love. It's been uprooting my whole life! My teachers miss me so much! I am living through the worst parts of history, and I hate it!" America stood up. "You're awful. How about another question, Pestilence? What do you get when you cross a mentally-unstable loner with an illness THAT RUINS HIM AND TREATS HIM LIKE TRASH?! I'll tell you what you get! YOU GET WHAT YOU ****ING DESERVE!" America pulled out his guns and shot Pestilence in the head, instantly killing him.

All four horses start neighing and kicking up their legs.

War laughed. "Oh America, do you really want to start a me?

"Oh, I'll give you a war you won't believe."

War kicked his horse, charging it at the country. America slung up his gun. "Yippee-ki-yay, mother****er!" He shot War in the hand as he reached for a weapon of his own, then in the chest. Startled beyond belief, the horse stopped charging.

Famine reared his malnourished horse closer. With a deep glare, and a deeper, threatening voice, he asked: "You gonna eat your tots?"

"Yeah, and you're gonna eat lead." America aimed his AK-47 right at Famine's stomach and let loose. He fell to the floor, bleeding out with no hope of returning.

Death started slowly clapping. He dismounted his horse, walking ever so slowly toward the dual-wielding man. America aimed his guns at him but didn't shoot quite yet. He was letting him get closer.

"I'm impressed, America. So very, very impressed. Now, I've got the guts to die. What I want to know is, have you got the guts to live?"

Death stopped walking, so America took a step closer, butting the barrel of his gun on Death's heart. "I never cared about you…" he said, cocking his gun. "All I care about…" he pulled the trigger and Death came toppling down. "... is the economy."

An eerie silence settled around him. No noise; no sign of life. It all got interrupted by the distant sound of a bottle cap popping off. America pirouetted to face the theater. "It's coming from inside," he replaced the magazines of his guns, "here's Johnny."

He kicked down the doors and marched in. The smell of stale butter surrounded him. Each step he took stuck to the floor, ripping up the carpet bit by bit. He made it to the bar only to see an adult's ticket to a movie called 'Pandemic' in theater number 20.

Suddenly, a spotlight turned on pointing at the 20th room as music straight from a horror movie started to play. "I've got a bad feeling about this," America mumbled. He walked to the spotlight, then in through the doors.

At the very bottom of the room, right in front of the screen, was a big, rough ball six feet in diameter with hundreds of red protein spikes coming out of it from all angles. It rolled, using its spikes like feet, closer to the country. Spotlights shine down the aisle, and America follows them. He stopped at a point when he was only about six feet away from the thing before him.

A beer cracks open. "What one?" the thing asked. "I know you do." A spike held out the beer, revealing its shiny yellow crown. Above that, the words 'Corona Extra'.

The royalty-free horror music swells. In a moment of panic, America shot the beer out of its spike. That only made it laugh. Spike by spike, the ball started inching forward.

America pulls the triggers, but both of his guns jam. His shaking hands throw them to the side and pull out a revolver. Seven shots later, seven bullets all phase through the thing, not slowing it at all. He throws that out too.

"America, America, America… Can I call you Usa? When will you learn that not everything can be solved with violence? This is just a war that you can't win. You weren't prepared for me. Pathetic. Loser. Sad."

America clenched his fists. His shaking in fear became shakes of rage. "I have had it with this mother****ing virus in my mother****ing country! I'm going to kick your ASS!"

He charged at it and started punching it mercilessly. The red spikes entangled themselves around America's arms, trapping them, but he kicked the monster in its ball, making all of the spikes seize in pain, freeing him.

It was a moment of weakness, and America was going to capitalize on it no matter what. He saw a dent in its shell, made from the bullets. America shoved all of his fingers into the hole, prying it open wider and wider. The whole time, the monster was shrieking and lashing out.

America started coughing, but that didn't stop him as he dug deeper and deeper into the nuclei. His head began throbbing, his whole body was burning, and it hurt to move, yet he pushed forward. He's already lost so much that losing his taste was practically nothing. Each breath got harder to take. With what he knew would be his last breath, he used it to yell "You may take our lives, but you'll never take our freedom!"

The shell finally was penetrated. America shoved his hands in and pulled out the still pulsing RNA of the disease. An unholy squeal came from it as hundreds of bats swarmed out of the hole. Without its contents, it deflated into a lifeless husk on the floor. America fell beside it, gasping for breath again.

The husk beside him was oozing red, blood-like fluids, and so was he. Such a vicious battle, yet he was the victor. He pulled out his phone and held it above him. It's camera captured the whole blood-filled scene. America attached that photo to a tweet, and he stained his phone red as he typed #wearethevirus. After clicking tweet, he had fulfilled his purpose. His arm and phone dropped as he fell unconscious. "And scene," he managed to whisper before going out cold.

To be continued...


	6. June: Revolution

"They were right, he is waking up!"

"That took a while."

"Do you think he'll be less erratic now?"

America opened his eyes to see Canada, Mexico, and Britain in front of his awfully-hard-and- kind-of-uncomfortable bed, wearing masks and standing six feet apart. Glancing around, he recognized the dull colors and fancy machines. A hospital. The heart monitor went crazy as America sat straight up in horror and started screaming. "No! I'm in enough debt!"

"Don't worry, you're in Canada's hospital," Britain said

That only made America look more terrified, making the heart monitor faster and him shrieking louder.

Mexico looked at Britain. "You didn't think that through, amigo, did you?"

"Yeah, I should have known better…"

Canada, wearing scrubs and a stethoscope, grabbed a six-foot-long stick from the closet and used it to pass his neighbor a cheeseburger. America's short attention span was immediately drawn to it, calming him down instantly.

Canada smiled. "Works every time~"

"Sooo," America said between bites, "Why am I in a hospital anyway?"

"You were found at a movie theater, covered in blood and surrounded with empty guns. Canada brought you here and you were in a coma ever since," Britain explained.

"How'd you find me?" America asked

Canada lifted a phone. "You never turned off your twitter location, so Russia used it to find you."

"A Russian spy on twitter. I knew it. But a coma… Ah man, how long was I out?" America asked.

"Long enough for phase 1 of reopening the world," Canada said.

Mexico smiled. "Aw yes, it was a decent time"

America sighed. "A month, huh? So it's still 2020? And only February too. That sucks. Thank God I killed COVID, so at least that whole thing is over with."

The three non-hospitalized countries looked at each other. "Do you think his brain's okay? That is a long time to be in a coma," Mexico said.

"He's probably just a little more delusional than usual because of the medicine," Britain suggested.

"To be fair," Canada added, "a lot of countries have been opening back up since last month. Not all of the blood was his, so maybe he did kill COVID." The other two countries stared at him. Canada smiled slightly and shrugged. "Just a theory."

"I mean… There was a lot of RNA…" Britain mumbled

America naturally wasn't paying attention. "So what'd I miss? What'd I miss? Virginia, my sweet home, I wanna give you a kiss," he sang.

"Well," Britain said, "since I know you don't care about the rest of the world, your media is talking about your police brutality again."

"Police brutality? How brutal?" America asked.

Mexico put a video on the hospital's TV. "That brutal," he said, pointing to it.

America watched the video with much more interest than any of them thought he would have. To them, this kinda thing was common for America. As the video played, he unhooked himself from all of the hospital's machines and started walking closer. He put his hand on the screen as the video finished. "Where is the justice when the guilty all go free? Why don't we lock them up and throw away the key?" he sang.

"Why is he singing?" Britain asked nobody in particular.

"America, maybe you should get back to your bed. Quarantines are just starting to ease up and you've only been awake for a little while. You should take it easy for a bit," Canada said

America scoffed."As this injustice spreads!" He started singing again. "There's a hole in the world like a great black pit and the vermin of the world inhabit it and its morals aren't worth what a pig can spit!"

"He's finally lost it." Britain sighed. "It feels like just yesterday he was one of the most feared and powerful of countries, even gaining his independence from me, but now… who even knows what's happening any more…"

America seemed to get an idea. "On his funeral day they will honor his name," he sang. "With the light of rebellion ablaze in their eyes, with their candles of grief we will kindle our flame, on the tomb of the victim shall our barricade rise! The time is here! Let us welcome it gladly with courage and cheer!" America grabbed his rifle and phone and started scraping off the month old blood. "And I have a plan," he said. "A dream team. They have experience!" He ran out, dialing somebody.

"Wait!" Britain called out as he followed.

Canada and Mexico exchanged glances. Mexico smirked. "This should be fun."

"Come on, if he does anything too crazy we'll have to deal with it." They followed too.

America stood tall on top of a barricade made from random broken furniture. In front of him were France, Russia, Haiti, Ireland, Greece, Cuba, Philippines, and Hong Kong.

"This seems awfully Déjà Vu, no?" France questioned.

"Good, that's the point!" America said. "I have gathered you here because this is going to be a revolution! Or a civil war, I can't decide yet. That's why I got you eight. You're experts in revolutions and/or civil wars! I would have gotten Spain too, but he's fighting Indians, and not the native kind, so just giving them diseases won't work."

"Oh, I see," France muttered. "I just have four or five revolutions in less than 100 years and get known as that forever, huh?"

The Philippines shook her head. "My revolution was against you! And I lost! Why am I here?"

"Who are you again?" America asked.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm leaving!" And that she did.

"Same here," Haiti said and left as well

Ireland followed them. "Nothing against you, I just don't want to be involved."

Greece shrugged and joined Ireland in leaving.

Hong Kong smiled at America. "I'll stick with you no matter what Mr. America!"

"I've got nothing better to do," Cuba said. "But what's your plan here? You can't protest, having a big group like that can't possibly fall into social distancing."

"I can do what I want!" America yelled at him. "I have a first amendment!" he cocked a gun. "And a second! And I don't even know what the third one is! But if any press comes by, I'm gonna shoot them. Only half of the first amendment is worth following."

Russia laughed. "Classic America…"

America started rapping "God, I wish there was a war. Then I could prove that I'm worth more than anyone bargained for." His rap changed a little. "F*** the police! Shots fired from the underground!" he switched genres "And there's a fine, fine line Between what you want, and what you get. You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime." he switched again. "Life is disappointing. Woe is what I know." Then again. "It would be nice, it would be niiice to have corporations on our side, it would be nice, it would be niiiiice to have Capitalism on our side"

Three countries behind the barricade stared blankly at him. The fourth, France, was staring with a huge smile. "Hon hon hon, so we can sing? Good to know."

"What the hell does any of that mean though…" Cuba asked.

"It means that history is repeating once again, again! This time it's 1955, and just like then," he broke back into song "I dreamed a dream in times gone by when hope was low and not worth living." back to spoken words, he continued to say "But, this whole police thing is an outrage! And I need to do something about it!"

He might have talked more, but some approaching countries caught the barricaded countries' attention. America ducked, pointing his gun at the other countries, who were Britain and Germany, both wearing face masks.

"See Germany? He made a bloody barricade and got Ireland for God knows why, now he's pointing his guns at us and randomly singing. Nothing I've done has made him calm down. Can you try?"

Germany looked the whole barricade over. "Interesting…" he mumbled. "Is France back there?"

"Don't just assume I spend my time behind barricades!" France yelled. "This is just a bad example!"

"I think he's planning a revolution against himself," Britain said.

America nodded. "F*** yeah I am! And I'm prepared too! I've got guns, grenades, gases, gasoline, and more."

"You should add guillotines for good measure," France added.

"Vhat the hell! Stop trying to make another Vorld Var! We've been going over this since January! Trust me, it isn't vorth it!"

"If it helps, they aren't lethal," Canada added. He and Mexico were standing near the barricade, watching, making sure nothing big enough to cross the borders happens. They weren't allowed on the other side of the barricade since Canada is, according to America, 'too nice to revolt', and Mexico 'shouldn't even think about crossing over his wall'.

"Si," Mexico said. "Canada and I made sure that all of his bullets are rubber. He also has flash grenades and tear gas. We didn't do anything to his gasoline though. That could be no bueno."

America laughed like an insane person. "I'm going to burn down the country!"

"America, you're acting like a child," Germany said.

"I'm not a child! I have a curfew to prove my maturity! 8:00pm! And watch out, cause I'm staying out well into the night!" America yelled.

Germany sighed. "You're making it Vorld Var 2 again."

"Are you really giving yourself a bedtime just to disobey it?" Britain questioned.

America nodded.

"That's insane!"

"No, you!" America yelled. He started shooting his rubber bullets at Britain and Germany's feet. They were only warning shots.

"You can't perpetuate Var like that, vat are you doing? Police brutality and ghettos only result to a divided angry nation" Germany turned to France "You should mind your own business." He turned to Russia. "And you- vhy are you here in the first place? Aren't you in a national emergency?"

Russia laughed. "Oh, it's nothing. Only 21,000 tons of oil spilt into my arctic circle. I'm fine." Blood started coming out of one of his eyes like tears. "Maybe not entirely fine, but nothing is bad enough to stop me from watching America kill himself."

"Yeah," America said, "I'm just so great again that people stop everything to watch me! Now be gone!"

He threw down a flash grenade, and was about to whip out some tear gas, which would have affected his side too, but France distracted America away from the other countries and back toward his group. "Hey America, there's a second barricade now."

"What?" he questioned.

"Yeah there's a child in it," Honk Kong said.

"A child, huh?" America said. "I'm not afraid to mace children. Show me."

They were taken to this tiny barricade within their own barricade. Inside was a young boy, that looked an awful lot like America, but without glasses, and curlier hair. "You aren't allowed here! Look at the sign!" He pointed to a bright orange blockade that said 'no cops, no ICE, no jail, no America'.

America laughed. "Awe, look at the cute little guy. Imma call him Seattle, but what the #### are you?"

"My name is Chaz," The tiny boy said. "And I am a country too, not Seattle"

America smiled "Cute, ignorant Seattle. I'll let disagreeing with me slide this time, but only I can have a barricade." He pointed his gun at the tiny country. "Those are the rules."

Chaz slapped the weapon away. "That mother****er," America said. France and Hong Kong guessed what'd come next and started holding America back. He started screeching at the kid. "YOU ####ING ######ED LIBTARD B#### ASS TERRORIST MOTHER####ING UNCLE####ER TAKING MY GUN! PIECE OF #### ANARCHIST BASTARD, ORPHAN, SON OF A WHORE!"

"Stop trying to attack the kid," France said.

"Yeah, Chaz seems like me at the beginning," Honk Kong said. "You supported me, why not him too?"

America was wiggling to escape the two countries' grips. They weren't the strongest countries around, so he escaped pretty easily. "He's a fake American, and ugly, a terrorist, and racist!"

"No I'm not," Chaz said. "You are."

"I don't feeeel racist," America said. "I'm so not-racist that I'm banning Aunt Jemima. You better start watching your mouth, call yourself Seattle and stop trying to run your own government, or I'll get the national guard."

Chaz smiled cockily. "I don't think so. 'Cause" he said, then started rapping. "I am not throwing away my shot. Hey yo, I'm just like my country, I'm young, scrappy and hungry, and I'm not throwing away my shot."

America looked furious. "Nobody sings in my country!" He pulled out a second, much bigger gun, and aimed it at Chaz. "The hills are dead with the sound of music," he sang. "And so are you."

To be continued…

Also, if you want an uncut version of this month, PM me. It goes more in-depth at places, but drags on.


	7. July: is #CANCELED

"For Canada day, all I have to say is that I'm sorry," Canada said through the video. America was on his phone watching his newest post on YouTube titled 'apologies from Canada'. "I am genuinely sorry for how I've acted in the past. Black face is not okay." The screen showed an old photo of Canada in some stereotypically dark makeup. "I take responsibility for my decision, and I shouldn't have done it. I should have known better. I recognize it is something racist to do and I am deeply sorry. This is not what Canada is aboot, eh. I have talked to many countries and have educated myself on the issue. It will never happen again." His voice was becoming shaky. He took a second and whipped away the beginnings of tears. "I-I hope you can forgive me, but I understand if you can't. Thank you for listening. I'll be happy to have a conversation with anybody in the comments over this issue."

America rolled his eyes and scrolled down to leave a dislike, but then he noticed the like ratio. "Fake news. This is way too high. He's using Russian bots to get those likes," he said to himself. He scrolled down, then scrolled back up because the comment section moved for some reason. To his surprise, the comments were mostly super supportive and forgiving. Even African countries. "F***... I've gotta do this! If I apologize, then everybody will all be my best buds and buy me the most awesomest birthday presents ever!" He started putting together his camera. "They'll see how great of a country I am!"  
~~~000~~~~~  
America was watching his video back. "Hey there dudes and dudettes!" His digital self said. "Quarantine has ended, kind of - it's complicated - but I'm still making some great content for you all. I have something important to say, but first, a word from my sponsor, dollar shave club! And no, this doesn't mean I'm shaving the beard." He continues on about dollar shave club for two minutes straight. It finished with "remember, promo code "july4merica" and get .1% off of your least expensive purchase. Now, I wanted to say I'm sorry." Fake tears started flowing out of his eyes. "I'm sorry that you guys get offended by blackface. Everybody else was doing it at the time, I swear. It was supposed to be funny. I'm sorry you guys don't have the same sense of humor as me." He blew his nose and whipped away the fake tears, but more came back. "My actions have hurt me more than they hurt you, trust me. And I could have done it a lot more too, but I didn't. Because it's wrong. I'm sorry if anybody's black face offended you. Especially you Egypt, and," America squinted at the camera, obviously trying to read something, "Eth-o-pie-a, and all you other African countries. #allcountriesmatter. Please accept my apology." He used his jacket to clean the tears off of his face, then immediately smiled. "Wow, how sad. Don't forget to like, comment, subscribe, and share it with everybody. And check out my merch! I'm rolling out new 'I'm sorry' pop sockets, t-shirts, and makeup kits. Don't worry, my face is on all of them." He continued talking about his merch and showed credits until the ten-minute mark. America clicked to add as many ads as humanly possible.

He laughed to himself. "Not only will I get everybody to love me, I'll get enough money to illegally buy fireworks! Win-win!" Publish was pressed and the video went live.

He sat back, waiting for the likes and praise to come rolling in. The opposite came instead. "What the **** is this?" America asked himself, looking at the hate. He whipped out the phone and started dialing.

Not too long later, he had himself a small gathering of countries somewhere outside. Canada, Mexico, Japan, Britain, and Lithuania were all there, wearing masks. America had a mask on the table, but wasn't wearing it. Instead, he was looking, more of glaring, across the table and slurping up some beans. Beans are a political statement.

"What's the emergency? You're not going to build another barricade, are you?" Britain asked.

America finished scarfing his beans and scoffed. "No. I'm not France, one revolution a year is good enough. I want to know what's going on here. Are there any secret treaties? Insider trading? You know, you're on my land now and that's a felony, you illegals. Speaking of which, why is Mexico here. I never invited him."

"Sorry, he came with me," Canada said

"Russia would like you to know that you couldn't put him in jail if you tried," Lithuania said.

America stared at Lithuania. "Who the hell are you? Where's Russia? Is he still throwing up blood or something?"

"I'm Lithuania, Russia's representative. Yes, the oil spill is still a problem, and will be for decades, but he's not worrying about that anymore. I was sent instead because he's making a YouTube video right now."

America slammed his hands on the table. "I knew it! It's all a- wait a second…" America took his phone out and started filming himself. "It's all a scheme! Sabotage!"

"What are you even talking about?" Britain asked.

"My youtube video! It got so much hate! After I apologized and everything!"

Britain hung his head and sighed. "Why do I even ask?"

Mexico started laughing. "Amigo, that apology was mierda. You've done so much worse than blackface."

"Like what?"

"You ripped California and Texas out of me, you're trying to build a wall, and the alamo. I'll never forget the alamo," Mexico said.

"I fail to see the problem," America said.

"You also murdered your natives," Britain added. "I have pictures." He showed an old twitter thread of America's where there was a picture of little boy him murdering some native Americans with an ax. It said 'manifesting my destiny' under it. Britain scolded to show an older America happily burning down a Vietnamese village. He then scrolled to show America droning the middle east. "This last one is from a week ago! And these are only the ones you take pictures of. I don't even know what happened to Chaz!"

"Well, Seattle started calling himself Chop so I chopped his anarchist ass into pieces, and, long story short, now he goes by Seattle again. I think he was a bad influence though. Portland is starting to act up, but it's probably nothing," America said. "And, also, I'm changing the Washington redskins' name, so that makes up for the rest of it."

"No it doesn't!"

Lithuania raised a hesitant finger. "I think I should mention that Russia hates you and says you ruined his achievement of the first person in space, amongst other things."

"That commie bastard doesn't deserve recognition," America defended

"Um, well," Canada started, "on the topic of your not-so-nice actions, you also did do some horrible things to Japan and the Japanese. You had camps. Only two nuclear weapons have ever been used in history and, well, there was a pattern."

"Japan had it coming," America said. " He should have opened his eyes before walking into my camp. Honestly, he should be thankful now that I only know him for Anime now. Besides, he forgave me, right Japan?"

Japan, who has been here the whole time, nodded. "Hai. But, I must admit, you have done some less than favorable actions in the past, even excluding all that has been said so far."

"Is this about slavery?" America asked. "I made it illegal a long time ago, Mississippi is finally changing its flag, and I'm working on getting rid of Mount Rushmore. Nothing says 'I'm sorry about slavery' better than bulldozing Abraham Lincoln's face."

Raising a skeptical eyebrow, Mexico asked. "How about actually saying 'I'm sorry' and then doing something to help those affected by it?"

"But why though?"

"If I may say something," Japan said, "America isn't all wrong here. We have all done some horrible things in the past, me included. Holding it over each other's heads is what leads to things like WWII. We should instead learn our histories so we don't repeat them, not to feel sorry for doing them. Our leaders that ordered the horrible things are long gone, after all.

America nodded, then looked off to the distance. "Hey all you watching this steam live, Japan's the best right? Well, second best." He pointed to himself. "Stiff competition."

"You're filming this?" Mexico asked.

"I'm always filming."

"But what are you looking at? Aren't you filming on your phone?" Britain asked.

America laughed. "You think I don't have cameras everywhere?"

Lithuania's phone chimed. "Aha, Russia just finished!" He sent the video to everyone at the table. They all watched.

Russia's video started off as all of his videos do, with blasting music and a yellow 3-D sign saying 'подчиниться' over a red background. It then cuts to a video of him sitting in his gamer chair, staring intensely at the camera. "Privyet. Now, a lot of people in the comments have been asking me to make an apology video. For what, you may be asking. Well, they talk about me purposely starving my sister Ukraine, gulag, splitting many countries in half, having a road of bones, sewing live dogs together, giving Pepsi the sixth largest military in the world, killing over a hundred million of my own Russians, and more. Even recently Britain, America, and cyka America are complaining about me hacking their COVID cure trials. Did I do all of these things? Of course I did. Do I regret any of this? Nyet. If I could go back in time and do it all over again, I would. The thing I'd do differently is sell more vodka. Oh, and America, I know how much you like twitter. I should warn you, it is quite hackable. Proshchay, comrades, and buy more vodka or I will kill you."

The countries all stared in silence. "Goddamnit!" America said. He threw his phone down and started storming off.

"Where are you going?" Britain asked

"To buy vodka! He was really convincing!"

To be continued...


	8. August: Anomaly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real quick, you like Hetalia 2020, right? Well, it’s being animated over on YouTube by Jue Animation! The first chapter is out and fully animated right now, and more is to come in the future. https://youtu.be/2Aabp-9zvHU

"See, I've arranged everything to adhere to recommended social distancing requirements," Britain was telling Italy through the phone. "It's outside, every chair is two meters apart, and everybody is wearing a mask!" He hissed that last part to America, the only person not wearing a mask.

"COVID's still a hoax, I'm the only one who sees it" he said, before immediately coughing. Canada slid him a 'this mask is useless' mask. Putting it on, he smiled. "This'll show you how I feel about masks."

Suddenly, a distant BOOM was heard throughout the meeting, drawing all of the countries' attentions. Italy screamed at the noise and hung up.

"What was that?" Turkey asked.

"America, what did you do?" Japan questioned.

America scoffed. "I didn't do anything. Not this time?"

Germany raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Oh really? If it wasn't you, then who did it?"

From the same direction of the noise, Lebanon came stumbling in, out of breath, and covered in ashes and soot. He fell into his chair, and looked to be in pain "My capitol," he whined. "please Allah…h..help!"

"Bloody hell!" Britain exclaimed. He ran to the injured country's side, along with Turkey. "Lebanon, what happened? Are you okay?"

"Lebanon? Like… the cities?" America questioned.

"It's a country in the middle east," Canada explained.

"Oh… ew… one of those countries."

Germany sighed. "America, now's not the time."

"M-my capital exploded!" Lebanon explained, bringing attention back to him. "There's a crater… Oh, Allah, it hurts." He coughed weakly. "I don't know what did it… But it's devastating so many families. I won't recover from this for years. Decades even."

"That is quite unfortunate," France mumbled.

"I'll try and help you the best I can," Britain reassured.

Russia let out a small laugh. "The explosion. It wasn't by any chance all that ammonium nitrate I stranded there a while ago, was it? Or is it more of a Chernobyl thing?"

"It was obviously a terrorist. I mean, what else would you expect from-" America started saying.

"Halt die Klappe, bevor ich dich für immer zum Schweigen bringe!" Germany hissed at him. Despite not knowing what he said, America did shut up. He'd never admit it, since he isn't like Italy, but Germans could be pretty intimidating.

Lebanon looked over all of the countries. 'This year… These idiots…' He thought. Sighing, stood up. "You know what? That's it. This is it! I'm done. Through. It's over! I'm gone! Finished! Over! I will never do this again! Look at all of you!" He laughed. "You think you're all important countries, is that what you think? You are all laughing stocks. You are all jokes. Your people are laughing at you. You're nothing. You all have no brains, no ability, nothing!" He knocked over a cup on the table. "I quit." He just up and left after that.

The countries all stood in a collective shock. It was dead quiet for minutes. "What the bloody hell, you can't just quit!" Britain yelled, breaking the silence, but Lebanon was already nowhere to be seen.

"I mean… he's gone... so clearly we can…" New Zealand mumbled.

"We can quit? I would have done that years ago," France whined.

America lifted his finger. He was about to say something so incredibly insensitive that Canada did the liberty of censoring it for you. The rest of the countries could hear it though, and it disgusted them all. Of course, America saw nothing wrong with what he said and was sitting there, smiling innocently.

"Vhat the f*** is wrong vith you, shut your stupid fat mouth! Dis isn't about you!" Germany exclaimed, scolding America. He stormed over and shoved America's chair into the corner of a nearby wall with him still in it. "Stay in this corner and think about vat you've done, Dummkopf!" He slid a dunce cap onto America's head and then stormed back to his seat.

"Oh yeah," New Zealand said. "America just reminded me. You know how he's been saying that 'mail-in-voting is a fraud' and that he would postpone his election if it wasn't for his constitution?"

Britain sighed. "Yes. And he's waging a war on his whole postal service too for no good reason."

"My reasons are beyond your understanding!" America imputed from his corner. "FedEx is supreme!"

"You are in a silent corner! Shut up!" Germany yelled. America rolled his eyes, but did shut his mouth.

"Well," New Zealand said, bringing the attention back to him, "I don't have those same rules in my book, so I'm postponing my election due to the virus."

"But I thought you completely eliminated the virus over there," Japan said.

New Zealand shrugged. "It flared up recently, and I got, like, four more cases. That's practically half my population. I guess I wasn't aggressive enough on it." As he talked, he was sanitizing the table around him.

A sudden heat flash hit the table and thunder boomed near them. The countries all looked to the noise to see another lighting bolt over America's head as he laughed like a maniac.

He still sat in his little corner, but his dunce cap was on fire. Something was glowing in his hand too. Upon further inspection, on the tips of a couple fingers was some spinning smoke. "Look dudes, I made a fire tornado! How awesome, am I right?" He laughed. "California never fails to amaze me." Behind him, two hurricanes were forming in the distance. "Or Texas."

"Sacré bleu! How on Earth is this conforming to the Paris Agreement?" France asked.

"Brah, I abandoned that years ago. You guys didn't like my plan of angrily tweeting about the heat, so, really, I didn't have a choice besides leaving."

Turkey sighed. "The world really is ending, huh?" he mumbled. "I'd like to say it was nice knowing ya, but that'd be a lie."

Nobody could argue with that. It really did seem like the end of the world.

To be continued...


	9. September: Phenomenon and Fire

America was sitting on his couch by himself. The country’s eyes widened in realization. “America, I know what we’re gonna do today!” he said to himself  
He rushed to his backyard, blowtorch in hand. In his backyard was a single large tree and a random, cross eyed, jeans wearing brown bear. With metal that he just kinda keeps in his backyard, he started building something, when eventually Mexico came along. “Hey America… Whatcha doin?” He asked.  
“Something totally awesome, Mexico! Go invite the important countries, like the Axis powers. I’m going to have a party!”  
Mexico stared blankly at him. “Really? Don't ya think throwing a party is a bad idea with social distancing, amigo?”  
America cocks a gun  
"Did I stutter?"  
“No,” Mexico sighed. He started walking away before he noticed something. “Hey, where’d your bear go?”  
“Yeah, where’s Smokey…”  
Unknown to the two countries, America’s bear was standing in the house. He stood up on his hind legs and, with jazzy spy background music playing, put on a tan fedora, revealing he was none other than Smokey the Bear. A picture of the American flag opened up to a hole, which Smokey jumped through. He fell through the tunnel and landed in a ranger office.   
South Korea appeared on a big screen in front of the desk. "Agent Smokey," he said. "He's back at it again. You know where."  
Smokey nodded. Giving a salute, he said "Only you can prevent wildfires." The chair he was in gained rockets and blasted him out of there.  
America was back to making his machine as Mexico left his backyard to get the Axis powers, both blissfully unaware of what Smokey was doing.   
As Mexico left, Canada was walking by and saw the contraption his neighbor was making. “Oh, America, that looks super dangerous eh.”  
“Yeah, and what are you gonna do about it?”  
“Well, you're busted! I'm telling Britain and France! Eh!”  
America shrugged and started working on his device again. “Alright, limey.”  
With that, Canada rushed off to go tattle on him.   
It wasn’t long until America finished his invention and Mexico came back with Germany and Japan, looking the same as ever, and also Italy, who still looked pretty dead. Russia was there too, holding a tub of popcorn labeled ‘America’s being stupid again popcorn’ in russian. Америка снова тупит, попкорн.  
“Thank you all for coming today,” America said. Behind him, his invention was cloaked entirely with a white tarp. “It means so much to me that you showed up for my gender reveal party. You can follow COVID stuff if you want, I don’t care.”  
“Y-your what?” Mexico questioned.   
Italy smiled. “Ve~ That’s great America. I’ll support you through this.”  
Germany looked horrified. “Mein Gott… I knew I vas in for something stupid, but this is just horrifying. A baby America,” he shuttered.   
“You know,” Japan mumbled “I never put much thought into it, but how do we countries reproduce?”  
“STOP, don't ask questions like that it'll only get more confusing,” Germany said.   
“Wait…” Italy tilted his head in confusion. “Reproduce? America’s having a baby?! I thought he was coming out! Oh no, this is terrible!”  
“Hold on a moment,” Russia said to America, “aren’t you a little too obnoxious, controversial, and single to have a child?”   
“Yes, yes I am,” America said.   
“Okay. Just checking.”  
“Now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for.” America ripped off the sheet revealing a needlessly overcomplicated, highly explosive thing behind him.  
Italy started backing away slowly. “Mama mia… That looks really big and scary.”  
America nodded. “And it’s even bigger and scarier than it looks.”  
“Vhat?” Germany asked.  
“Amigo, I don’t think this is a very good id-” Mexico started.  
“Can it!” America interrupted. “It’s a great idea! I’m goddam, motherf***kin’ America!” He pressed a button on the machine. Every country watched in either anticipation, dread, or both as all the parts of the dangerous contraption started getting into motion.   
Blinding lights flashed, making them all close their eyes. They reopened them to see fire surrounding them, America fully on fire (and unphased by it), and a completely bright orange sky above. Everything basically had a sepia tone filter on it. It made Russia laugh and eat more popcorn.  
Italy was utterly horrified, screaming, and surrendering. Japan tried fruitlessly to put out the fires.  
“Orange…” America mumbled. He gave a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness, it’s not pink. What’s orange mean though?”  
“IT MEANS YOU’RE AN IDIOT THAT’S GOING TO GET US ALL KILLED!” Germany yelled at him.  
He shook his head. “No, I don’t think that’s it. That has more of a green vibe to it, not orange. Maybe Canada might know. What was he doing again?”  
Canada was trying to convince Britain and France to come stop America. “Could you please come see what America’s doing. He made a big scary thing. You can ground him from your imports or something, right?”  
Britain scoffed. “America being competent enough to build something that I didn't invent first? Sounds like poppycock. I’ll have to see it to believe it.” Both he and France started walking with Canada back to the states.  
“I guess zat China boycott is really taking its toll,” France said.  
“Speaking of China, what’s he been up to?” Britain asked. “I haven't seen him since, blimey, I think it was April.”  
China was in China, go figure, and inside of a giant purple skyscraper with big green letters spelling out '再教育营合并'. 'China's Re-education Incorporated' plays in the background. Smokey the Bear bursted through the country’s front doors, ready to fight.  
“Ah, Ni Hao Smokey the Bear… How rice of you to show up,” China said. A big plate of rice with a bear trap inside came from the floor. It snapped, trapping the bear.   
“You” he growled as he struggled in the metal cage and sticky grains.   
“Indeed, it is I, China! And behold, Smokey the Bear! My forget-inator! It would make covering up all of my concentration ca-” he coughed, “I mean re-education facirities much easier. Fun fact, the inator wasn't built entirery with the forced labor of the Uighurs and defiantry doesn’t run on their brood, sweat, and tears.”   
Smokey glared hard at China. “Only you,” he hissed, shaking his head. “Only you…”  
China laughed evilly. He started sniping random citizens out the window.   
Smokey was wiggling around, trying to escape, when the belt buckle on his jeans started beeping. South Korea appeared there on the tiny screen. “Smokey, I thought I should tell you that your host family just set himself and his house on fire. That’s all.”   
“Wildfire!” Smokey exclaimed. “Only you can prevent wildfires!” The news of a fire needing prevention lit a metaphorical fire inside the bear. He exploded out of the rice and beat the living daylights out of China, and shoved him off the incredibly tall building. “Curse you, Smokey the Bear!” He yelled as he fell. China probably died from the fall. Smokey bear-hugged the device and flew it all the way back to the US in record times.   
Canada was standing right outside America’s backyard, waiting eagerly for Britain and France to get off their plane and see the whole fiery mess in front of him. He turned around to try and politely get them to hurry up. Unseen by him, Smokey just made it to above the backyard. There was a nicely installed self-destruct button on China’s inator, which Smokey pressed, exploding the device. In a malfunction, multiple forget-rays shot out from it. One hit everybody in the backyard, one hit the sky, and another hit the single tree. That made the sky forget it was supposed to be orange, so it turned blue again. It also made the tree forget how to stand, so it fell over, completely destroying America’s machine. After the rays were shot, the forget-inator exploded, and the blood sweat and tears it was running on all released and put out the fires, except for the one on America.  
“Damn, it’s that time of year already?” America mumbled, looking at the flames on him.   
Mexico looked around. “What just happened?”  
“Why am I here? How much vodka did I drink?” asked Russia, looking at his popcorn.   
“What year is it?” Japan mumbled  
“Who am I?” Italy asked  
Canada, Britain, and France all left from their plane, for there to be nothing out of the ordinary. “What! That’s impossible!” Canada said. He rushed to the backyard with a disappointed Britain and a skeptical France behind him. “Germany, there was a big scary machine? And an orange sky? And fire everywhere, right?” Canada asked.  
“I… I don’t remember…” Germany mumbled.  
America laughed. “It’s September, so I'll never forget. Of course there was, and I made all of those.”  
Canada looked pleadingly to the two Europeans he dragged over, causing them both to shrug. “Je suis désolé, mon cher,” France said, “America isn’t a very reliable source.”  
“He’s literally on fire still!” Canada pleaded.  
Britain sighed. “You should know more than anybody that this always happens right before an election. Sorry to say, Canada, but I still don’t think he can build something by himself.”   
"He's gonna cause irreversible Climate change!"  
"He stopped working with us on zat years ago."  
Britain and France excused themselves, leaving Canada there bewildered by whatever was going on.   
“Hey bro, lighten up. I’ll invite you to my gender reveal party next time, m'kay?” America said  
“But but but… what about the pollution and… and the melting ice caps and air quality?” Canada asked.  
“Dude, if you want my honest answer, I don’t care in the slightest. There’s always mars. Oh, there you are Smokey.”  
Smokey, on four legs, without a hat, and with a cross eyed expression, was standing beside America. “Only we can prevent wildfires,” he said  
America laughed. “Oh Smokey.” He continued to laugh with the others staring at him, and one by one walking away from the completely average American day.   
“You know,” America said to Canada after everybody else left, “Sweden would have no idea what happened today.”  
Canada looked at his brother. “What the actual f*ck did happen today though?” he mumbled. 

To be continued… PM me for a bad parody song relating to this chapter


	10. October: Horror House Divided

Germany just walked into the bathroom to wash his hands. It is still a pandemic after all. As he was washing, the sink started making a gurgling sound. Being a naturally good engineer, he turned the water off, hoping he could maybe fix what was making the noise. Those hopes were shattered when he saw a thick, red liquid oozing out of the drain.

"Vhat the hell..." he mumbled.

Then the toilet started shaking, drawing his attention that way. It was bubbling and overflowing. As more water started flooding out, so did a hand, followed by another. The two hands gripped the bowl and pulled up the rest of the attached body. "Hi ya, Germany…" America said. "Aren't ya gonna say hello?" His hair was stained red, with what Germany hoped was hair dye, but assumed was blood. His skin was much paler than usual, almost white, with the same color red around his mouth and nose.

"VHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM! I HAVEN'T OPENED MY BORDERS TO YOU FOR A REASON! GET OUT OF MEIN TOILET!"

America smiled. "They vote. They all vote, Germany, and when you're down here with me, you'll vote, too. Everything down here votes."

"You vant me to vote?" Germany said, trying to hold back his anger. "Okay, but answer this first. Are you willing to denounce white supremacists?" America stared blankly at him. "Right here, right now, denounce vhite supremacy. You dont support them, right?" Slowly, the questioned country looked shocked and pushed the toilet's handle to flush himself back down the drain without an answer.

Germany sighed, looking at the mess around him. "Of course, the year Oktoberfest is canceled, this scheiße starts happening…"  
~~~000~~~

"It's Oktober so he has officially moved from being on fire to being a complete and utter psychopath," Germany said. In front of him was a small gathering of the countries closest (socially, not geographically) to America.

France nodded. "Oui, a total psycho. He tried to stab me in my shower."

"Knowing you, you'd probably like that," Britain muttered.

With an obnoxious laugh, France smiled coyly. "You know me so well, mon cher~"

Groaning, Canada put his head in his hands "I can't believe this has been happening every four years and we can't do anything about it! And it's been getting worse and worse, and and..." Canada started crying. Mexico comforted his crying brother.

"Do you think America would recognize me in this?" Italy asked. He was wearing a dark green astronaut-like crewmate suit with a little italian flag in the corner. "The hospital recommended it for breathing, but maybe he won't try to kill me if he doesn't know who I am~"

"Maybe," Germany said. " America does only tend to target countries that he recognizes…Which thankfully is way less than it probably should be..."

Britain sighed. "I already have enough on my plate with how 2020 is going, and for some reason Poland keeps insisting I bombed him recently, but I haven't done anything like that since WWII. I don't have time to deal with Ameri-"

Suddenly the sound of static fills the room, cutting him off. It was coming from an old TV in the corner, which turned on by itself. They all looked to the TV to see America crawling out of it, dripping wet. "Well, well, well," America cooed after he climbed out. He teleported into the middle of the other countries, scaring most of them. Standing there, now dryer, with a huge smile he continued "What have we here? A secret meeting, huh? Ooo, I'm really scared."

"A-america, you don't know any black magic… How did you-" Britain mumbled.

"You're the worst country," America hissed at him, interrupting his sentence. "There's nothing smart about you, Britain. I hate to say this, but LOW I Q"

Britain looked genuinely distraught at the insults. "Pardon!," France said. "Zat is no way to talk to-"

"I don't have to listen to you. I pulled out of the Paris Agreement because of you. Because you did a poor job. If I thought you did a good job, I would have never left. And now the world would burn," America interrupted again.

"Vill you shut up, America? This is so unpr-" Germany started, but was interrupted.

"I don't wear masks like you do. Every time someone sees you, you've got a mask. You could be speaking 200ft away from everyone and you show up with the biggest mask I've ever seen," America said.

America swiveled to face Canada, who called somebody. "Please hurry, ay," Canada told whoever was on the other side of the phone. America kicked the phone out of his brother's hand.

"Will you ever stop this malarkey! Your healthcare plan is radical, only covering everybody, what about people with pre-existing conditions, I love pre-existing conditions!" America told him. Canada started crying even harder, for multiple reasons.

Next to Canada was Mexico. America's smile became more sinister as he continued. "Who built the cages? You filled the cages! You always bring crime, drugs, and coyotes. Now we have as strong of a border as we've ever had and you've still never paid at all"

Next in the circle was Russia, smiling as innocently as ever. "And you," America said, addressing the large country, about to insult him too, but America stops himself. "You're doing great, buddy! You'll help me win again, right?!"

Russia nodded. "Da, I can't stop myself from interfering"

"Sounds good, by the way, there's a fly in your hair," America said. He looked to China. "You're also gonna be in on it."

China smiled. "Don't worry, I have already started. Don't forget to pick up your laptop."

"Lastly, you." America turned to Italy, who was shaking like a leaf.

The pasta-loving country screamed. "I surrender! I'm scared enough already! You can have anything you want! With the virus and floods I just don't want anything else bad to happen to my people!" he cried.

America stared at him. "I was going to say that I have no idea who you are, and that I liked your costume, but surrendering is pretty sus, soooo…" He pulled a gun out of his clown pants and cocked it. "I think I'm gonna have to eject ya, Imposter!" He aimed the gun at Italy's head.

From behind him, the gun was stolen out of America's hand. Turning his head practically 180 degrees, he faced the thief. It was none other than Germany.

"America, I know you're going through a 'rough election' right now, but zis is too far! Even for you! I vill take whatever action necessary," he glanced at Britain and France, "as long as I am legally allowed to," he looked back at America, "to stop you if this gets too out of hand."

America narrowed his eyes at Germany. "Oh Germany, you know our history." He said, his voice echoing. "I'd roast you but you've proven to be better with ovens" He blinked, but when he reopened his eyes they were yellow, with brighter yellow, red outlined pupils. "Now be a good little country and hand back that gun."

Germany stood there, frozen, utterly confused, and a bit horrified, at what was going on.

Suddenly, the doors got kicked open, stealing everybody's attentions. Israel stood in the doorway, dressed as a rabbi, a star of David in hand. "So, Lucifer, you took over my most powerful ally, huh? Not to be stereotypical, but I'll make you pay!" she said.

America smirked and started walking closer to the middle eastern country. "Oh my, what an excellent day for an exorcism. Go ahead, try your worst. I'm the only reason you still exist"

Taking the offer, she held up the star of David to America's face. "I cast you out! Unclean spirit! The power of the Lord compels you! THE POWER OF THE LORD COMPELS YOU!"

Those words made the possessed country's eyes glow even more yellow. He grabbed his head in what seemed like pain, and started screaming so loud that all the countries flinched, making them close their eyes and cover their ears. When they all opened their eyes back again, America had seemingly split into two people. One was normal America, well as normal as he could look still dressed as a clown, and the other seemed to be a demon. Satan himself.

"Sacre bleu…" France mumbled.

"It really is the apocalypse," Canada said.

Mexico nodded. "And you thought I was kidding."

Italy jumped behind Germany. "It's the Devil! Grandpa Rome told me if this ever happened again I'd have to say goodbye to everything I've ever loved! Goodbye Germany, you were my bestest friend ever!"

"But I didn't even do anything occult this year!" Britain said

Germany pointed America's stolen gun at the demon, but it just rolled its eyes and floated onto the table. "Tremble before me! It is I, Lucifer Morningstar Prince of Darkness!"

America blinked his eyes a few times, turning them back to normal. He looked to the demon beside him and just stared for a second. Then a huge smile came on his face. "WOAH! AWESOME DUDES!" He turned to the other countries. "I, LIKE, TOTALLY GOT A WICKED COOL DEMON FRIEND! Man, he's been possessing me for a while, hasn't he?" He looked back to the demon. "You're going to be my running mate! You know, the one who really runs the country! Sound good?"

The demon shrugged. "That's what I've been doing you politically illiterate deplorable"

"Awesome! We can make every country free, even if it's against their wills! Just to make sure, we're still gonna operate in the middle east. They're not letting us borrow oil overnight," America said.

"YES! We'll reclaim the Holy Land"

Israel scoffed. "Get in line, pal."

Talking to his new-found running mate about the new minecraft update, America left, leaving eight confused countries behind him.

"I think that made things vorse…" Germany said.

Russia laughed. "November's going to be fun~"

China laughed with him. "Oh, yes it will…"

To be continued...


	11. November: The Late Night Tonight Show

"Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the Late Night Tonight Show! I'm your host The United States of America! I don't know if you've been keeping up, but this year hasn't been the best. Lucky for you, I'm back, being as important as ever! And it's that time once again where the Red team and the Blue team really duke it out! Mano E Mano, just like the founding fathers wanted!

"Now some people have said that my electoral college is unjust, outdated, and made with racist intent…" America said. "Well, anyway, we have a great show for you tonight! We've got The Devil and the New World playing for us," He gestured to Lucifer, holding a fiddle, Mexico with a trumpet, and Canada with a saxophone. "And we have the amazing guests, the G7! And for all y'all watching at home, every country is here in the audience!" In the seats near America's desk were the five unpreoccupied countries of the G7, some socially distancing better than others. In the audience really was every single other country. Whether they liked America or not, they knew this election would affect the whole world, and they wanted to be there to see the chaos for themselves. "Now, before the commercial, I'd like to give my running mate Lucifer a chance to say a few words. Take it away Luci!"

Said demon had put his fiddle down and grabbed the microphone from America. It scanned the audience, glaring at them all

"Like the imbecilic inept said, 2020 has not been a good year for you mortals, but mark my words, 2021 will be worse. There is everything to fear, especially fear itself. I am a crook! The rich will get richer and the poor will die off without the privilege of Healthcare. Your world was disgustingly unprepared for the plague. Even when this is over, oceans will rise, the earth will get hotter, and war would ravage the holy land for eternity! And there's nothing you can do to change it or escape it. After all, I am in the details." Lucifer crushed the microphone in his hand effortlessly, as to threaten the countries watching.

There was a moment of silence, only for it to be interrupted by America. "Wow…" he said, then smiled. "What an honest politician! Let's all give a round of applause for Lucifer Morningstar!" Very weak applause was littered throughout the audience. Israel, Palestine, Iran, and other countries of the like started booing.

"Commercial!" Puerto Rico yelled. He was a staff member for America's talk show along with the other American territories.

"Yo, dudes, before the camera's are back on, I had a great idea the other day and thought that you guys deserve a say in choosing the greatest country in the world's new boss!" America said. "Underneath your seats are a whole lotta ballots. It doesn't matter if you know anything about them, I just need ya to vote for Red or Blue. Make sure you vote though. Have I mentioned this will be the most important decision of our lives?" America said.

Frantically, all the countries dug under their chairs, grabbing their varying amount of ballots. The amount each person got didn't seem to have any reason behind it, except for the G7, Russia, and China getting substantially more than everybody else.

Japan watched as the thousands of ballots were being casted. "How is this possible?" he questioned. "Commercials would never give anybody enough time to count these all. And, if I'm not mistaken, none of us are American citizens, so all this would go against America's laws."

Britain scoffed. "Somebody's never watched American cable," he mumbled.

"Is this not a jeu de cirque, mon cher," France added.

"I hate to agree with France, but this is a Scheiße show," Germany added. "Just be happy that we can vote."

Lucifer flew past the G7 with a ballot box in hand and they all casted their many votes. He started roaming the audience, gathering their ballots too.

"Who should I vote for? they're both terrible," Austria complained. He looked terrible. With all the attacks and the resurgence of COVID, he hardly wanted to come to the election, but alas, America's influence was too big.

"I voted for Kanye," the Philippines said.

"Why?" asked Cuba.

"I mean, he's on the ballot," said the Philippines.

He was on the ballot, right under [B] United States of America/ Lucifer Morningstar and [R] Alfred F. Jones/ Beelzebub Satanas was [Y] Kanye West/ Kanye West, with basically no other option.

Elsewhere, Lucifer is collecting more ballots, and South Korea can't help but notice who his neighbor voted for. "Why'd you vote for him? Didn't he promise to kill you?"

"Yes, but I believe in Democracy," North Korea said.

The southern Korea rolled his eyes. "You really did die in May."

Lithuania wasn't far away sitting next to and talking to Australia. "-even if it is a child, eating the endangered frog alein's eggs was wrong and it should face the consequences," Lithuania finished saying as he casted his vote.

"Right, mate," Australia agreed. "I know a thing or two about endangered species, and that was just wrong. The spiders though, mate, those were spot on! I see them every day!"

"You what?"

As the other countries talked, Lucifer finished his collecting and stood on stage beside America. "Alright, Luci's gonna find out who won now!" America exclaimed. He looked to his running mate. "Is it me? I won, right?"

The devil looked at the ballot box, and it burst into flames, utterly destroying everything inside. "We have this in the bag."

"Woo! Yeah, baby!" America celebrated "That's what I've been waitin' for! That's what it's all about! Wooooo!"

The G7 watched America celebrate in utter confusion. "I wasn't paying attention, what's going on?" Italy asked.

"I have no idea anymore," Germany said.

"I won this election by a lot! No matter what the numbers are!" America yelled.

The big board behind America lit up with an all gray US map. Soon, some states started flicking to be pink and cyan. "We're live!" Guam said.

America immediately stopped celebrating and looked back at the camera. "Aight! Now, like any good late night talk show, we have a whole buncha stupid games to play, merch to advertise, and controversies to address! This first game is called 270 to win! Stay tuned!"

America did as he said and started playing the game with the G7. They were all watching as the states changed from gray to pink, cyan, red and blue.

At one point, during America's point-a-gun-at-Romania game, Canada looked at the screen. "Look, America was right. Texas is blue."

"Trust me, no it's not," Mexico reassured. It flicked from cyan to pink. "See."

"Oh"

More time passes, and the states are almost all colored in at this point. "wait, is there a chance I could loose?" America asked

Lucifer responded with "Well... I mean technically, if all the mail in ballots vote you out-"

America panicked "STOP THE COUNT!"

The board stopped locking in votes.

America kept staring at the screen unblinking. "What now"

~~~four days later~~~

"Yep, any second now." America was still in the same spot staring at the hardly changed screen. Barely any countries were still there, just the G7, Mexico, and Russia remained. Even Lucifer left. Most of them were looking beyond bored, besides Britain, who was giddy at the mostly blue map.

America's eye twitched as he continued to watch the screen. "I swear to god Nevada, hurry up and vote or I'll nuke ya more," he mumbled.

Pennsylvania clicked from cyan to blue, locking in the vote, making Blue that year's crowned champion of 720 to win.

"Well, would you look at that!" America said. "I will finally put an end to this malarkey!"

Britain's eyes shone with excitement. "It happened! We did it! Ready the firework!" he yelled, jumping out of the seat.

"Zis doesn't change much, no?" France asked. "Your people are still very passionate and in opposition. Everything is one bad move away from a révolution."

"If you shut up, I'll buy drinks for the party," Britain said.

France smiled. "Oiu~"

"Awesome!" America said. "I'll grab stuff for the party too! Who wants Coke to celebrate!"

"Your drinks are super unhealthy, but ja, vhy not," Germany added.

America tilted his head at Germany's comment. "Drink? I meant Cocaine. It's totally legal now in Oregon."

"Vhat the f***, America! Vhy?" Germany asked.

"This is terrible for my business," Mexico complained. "You took MY job!"

"How horrible! Why would you legalize such a thing?!" Japan asked. "Drugs are not supposed to be taken lightly!"

"Jeez, fine, I get it. I'll just buy heroin instead."

America was about to leave, but he stopped when he heard yelling. "Stop right there!" They all looked to see Russia, the only person still in the audience. "This is impossible! I did everything I could to prevent this from happening! AMERICA CRIME FAMILY STOLE THIS ELECTION!" Russia screamed. The countries on the stage all stare at him in silence. "I quit," he said, storming out.

"Countries can't actually quit, can we?" Italy asked.

"I don't know," Canada said. "But I haven't seen anything about Lebanon since August. He could be-"

The board behind them lit up to be bright blue, interrupting the Canadian's train of thought. It was a projection of a blue screen, and China walked in front of it. "Ni hao," he said. "America has a new leader in charge. I wanted to congraturate America on his presidential erection, but I wanted to say, it's not over. It's far, far from over." He evilly chuckled as he walked off screen, and the monitor shut off.

"I wouldn't say it's far from over, there's only one more month," America said. "And December can't be any more chaotic than this… Right?"

To be continued…


	12. December: A Capitalist Carol

America came walking into the room, holding money and laughing. "How was your meeting today? Was it as corporate as always?" Mexico asked.

"You bet! And it was awesome! Without the small businesses stealing our profits, we're rolling in the dough!"

Puerto Rico looked up from the floor. "Does that mean we're getting another stimulus check soon?"

America laughed. "Absolutely not! You want handouts right now? It's one of the most capitalist times of year, I'm not going to just throw money around."

"Are you at least coming to the party later?" Mexico asked.

"You mean that pathetic gathering of countries I don't care about? Nah, hard pass."

Sighing, the two started leaving. "I forget how little really changes after elections," Mexico mumbled.

Ignoring Mexico, America leaves. He returns home to his bedroom with Lucifer. Hours passed, and America was sitting on his bed of money scrolling to find out if he was actually going to delete tik tok like he's been promising to do all year. His searches were interrupted by his phone suddenly vibrating. He screamed and dropped it.

Lucifer looked up from the kinara he was lighting. "What are you doing?"

"Luci, it's horrible! Somebody is calling me! Who does that anymore!"

The devil stared at his running mate. "Honey, it's probably just your extended warranty again. Ignore it." He turned back around falling asleep, tuning out America.

It wasn't his extended warranty, it was Germany, but America hit ignore anyway. Seconds later, he gets a zoom call from Germany, which he begrudgingly answers.

"What the hell do you want? Don't you understand that my time is more valuable than yours?"

"Listen, I wanted to warn you zat if you keep doing ze scheiße zat you've been doing, your past, present, and future vill come back to haunt you. Trust me, I'm trying to help you before itz too late"

"Okay Germany, I just forgot the part where I asked. Maybe if you weren't so busy trying to convince the world that you're not fascist anymore, I would care about your blatant fear-mongering. Bah humbug"

"Listen!"

"BAH HUMBUG!" America yelled and slammed his phone down "They're just mad that I'm more successful than them, like any other country matters, bah. Can you believe this Luci?"

He turned to his bed and saw that Lucifer was no longer there. Confused, America got out of bed. Suddenly, he started to hear a faint whistle, almost as if it was a tea kettle. "Luci's making coffee? But it's, like, midnight. Or 4:30. It gets too dark too early to tell the difference anymore." He started heading toward the noise, he found somebody that looked an awful lot like Britain making tea. The only thing strange was that he wasn't wearing Britain's normal clothes, but wispy white robes instead. He looked paler, or maybe dustier, than usual.

"Britain, What the hell are you doing here?" America said as he grabbed a gun and pointed it at the figure

"Listen here you bloody twat, I'm not Britain"

America shot the figure aiming for his head but watched the bullet pass through leaving him unphased. Somehow the ghost was able to drink the tea he made.

"I'm the ghost of the past, you can't kill me, you imbecile"

"I get it, you're here to lecture me about my past, well I've already been canceled by twitter, made an apt apology video, and had an exorcism. So sorry, not sorry, you're job is done"

"You think that solved everything? This year alone you've almost started world war 3, completely mishandled the pandemic, started the largest protest in human history, actively contributed to climate change, and let millions of people die along the way"

"Yeah...and?"

The ghost sighed " Let me show you the error of your ways"

Before America could say anything, the ghost brought out a wand. With a wave, they teleported somewhere outside in what seemed to be an old town

"Where are we?" America asked

"Were in your past, look, there you are right there as a child, look how innocent you were, even cooperating with the other countries"

They watched as young america ran up to his older brothers. "Mummy Fwance, Daddy Bwitain! I has big plans, one day I'll be a big countwy just like you!"

A younger, more old-fashioned dressed, Britain replied, "Good for you America, we have some good news for you too!" Britain and France looked at each other.

France smiled sweetly and started raffling America's hair. "We are going to acquire anozer country togezer named Canada. You are going to be a big brozer!"

Child America was overthrown with joy "I get to be a big brother?!"

"Oui, oui" France nodded. "Uncle Spain and Aunt Aztec are forming a country named Mexico too. He'll be really close to you!"

Britain nodded. "And since we're all technically siblings, not parent and child, Mexico will be your brother too!"

"I will finally have fwiends! I can't wait to share evewything with them!" young America exclaimed

As the scene started fading away, adult America turned to the ghost of the past. "Huh, I guess things really were different back then…"

The ghost nodded. "But something changed, didn't it? Something made you uncompassionate and power hungry and led you down the path to where you are today. I know what it was, and I remember it like it was yesterday. Twas the 16th of December, a few days before Christmas." He looked to America with a scowl. "You threw all that bloody tea into the harbor and wasted thousands of dollars you git! Why'd you have to go do that!"

"Oh, shut up Britain. You knew how much I hate giving you money."

"I'm not Britain, I'm the ghost of the past!" America rolled his eyes, making the ghost even more annoyed. "Fine, let's look at a time a bit closer to now. The 1920s!" He flicked his wand and the scenery changed to a bustling New York.

"Wow! Just look at my roaring 20s!" America exclaimed. "We just won the Great War not too long ago and things are going awesomely! It's not too late, I should make the 2020's like my 1920's. We just need to kick out all the commies again."

"Didn't you ban alcohol this year? A bunch of small businesses closed! Crime was skyrocketing! Right around now the Spanish Flu was a super big threat, and later you had a huge Pneumonia problem. I have to say, the 1920's really wasn't much better than today. So to avoid another major depression, shouldn't you learn from your past and try to do better?"

"Cut the malarkey, there's a reason why I'm alive and you're a ghost. Nothing could ever take me down from being number 1. It's the best system we have! It really shouldn't be questioned or improved upon."

The ghost looked offended. "You know what, this is bloody stupid." He waved his wand and made the surroundings America's room again. "History always sucks. It really has been all downhill since 1776. Just listen to the present."

"Ew, listening. That's never been my strong suit."

"Better learn fast," the ghost said. With that, he was gone.

America was alone once more. "That was weird. What's Britain even trying to do?"

"I think the ghost of the past was trying to help you change your ways…" someone said.

America looked around. "Who said that?"

The voice spoke again. "Oh, sorry." He became visible and turned out to look like Canada wearing some gray robes. "I'm the ghost of present day."

"Canada? Young me was just talking about you."

"N-no. The ghost of present day… I'm here to show you the present." He walked over to a door and opened it to show a warmly lit room. "Please follow me."

America thought for a second and shrugged. He followed the ghost through the door to see a bunch of countries in a large room. Basically, everyone had a drink in their hand. France had a drink and a protest sign.

America looked around. "Hey, this is that dumb party everybody was inviting me to." He tried poking a drunkenly sleeping Italy, but his hand just phased through. "What the…"

"We're here to watch, not touch."

"Watch what? France protesting? He does that as often as he revolts. It's nothing new."

"Please wait eh…"

Japan looked to Mexico "Is America coming?" he asked.

"I think he drank too much and fell asleep like Italy," China said.

"No. He's being an ass like always."

France laughed. "He's just like the bourgeoisie. And la police. And power companies. Zey are all faux cul."

China nodded. "And a sell out. He bends over to fulfill my censorships way too often." He laughed. "It's pretty pathetic to see from such a powerful country."

"America is too loud and scary. I don't want to be his friend," Italy mumbled, despite still being dead asleep.

"Now you say something bad about America, Japan," France said.

The island country was taken back by the request a bit. "What? America is my friend! I do not want to insult him behind his back!"

"Pussy," China insulted, then drank some baijiu.

"Come on, amigo. America isn't here, and Canada isn't here to tattle either," Mexico said.

America crossed his arms. And looked at the candian ghost. "F***ing Mexico. Should I go back to building the wall?"

"Um, please don't…" the ghost replied.

Sighing, Japan took a sip of his sake. "I guess America is too rash, impursive, and sugar obsessed for my liking."

The drunk countries cheered. "I'll drink to zat," France said. They all took swigs of their drinks.

America looked pissed. "Looks like someone wants to get nuked again."

"America, please, you're missing the point," the ghost pleaded. "These people are some of your closest friends. Maybe you should listen to their criticisms instead of trying to attack them."

"No. Screw them. I hate this. Is it time for the third ghost yet?"

The ghost of the present shook his head. "No. Just one more thing. Follow me again. Canada opened that same door they came through, but now it led to a snowy outside.

Through a window, a miserable looking man was working as a cashier, with Isreal yelling at him, and the same three christmas songs he's been hearing all month were still playing.

"Look. That's Puerto Rico, working on a holiday. He has to, because he can't afford not to. A lot of other countries are in very similar situations too, America."

"Awe man, is Puerto Rico gonna die?"

"What? No," the Canadian ghost said.

America scoffed. "Well, then why should I care? He's not doing that bad. He has a job and everything."

The ghost sighed. He knew that he'd have to talk in a way America would relate to. "He's so poor he can't buy a PS5s or an Xbox X."

"Well, at least he can play Cyberpunk 2077 on their consoles that can't process it."

The ghost shook his head. "He can't afford Cyberpunk either, America."

"Wow… for real? Then he could barely afford The Last of Us 2. That poor bastard."

He was going to correct him again, but it didn't seem worth it.

"You know what," America said, "Good for them. Cyberpunk is glitchy as hell, the PS5 looks like a toaster, and the Xbox X didn't even bother releasing any games. Who needs 'em anyway."

The ghost of the present looked at him. "I, um, think you're missing the point…" Suddenly a bell rang, which made the ghost cover his ears. "NOOOO!" He starts nervously laughing as he fell on the floor dying, "I'm sorry, eh. I have to go. Hopefully, the final ghost can help."

The ghost of the present disintegrated in front of America "Damn, he didn't even give me a present"

It was calm for a second, America abandoned in the snow until he saw a shadow of a darkly cloaked figure walked up to him

"Are you the ghost of December future? Are we going to the 2120s?" America asked.

"Yes and nyet," the familiar sounding voice said. He took off his hood to reveal that he looked just like Russia, but with some light skeleton-like makeup. "I am da future ghost, but we are not going to the 2120s. The Earth and humanity does not make it."

America blinked. "W-what? Then when are we?"

He didn't respond. Instead, he started walking into a newly forming city with America following. America looked at the skyscrapers around him. They were cold and dead, covered in snow. Fog and smoke was everywhere. It was abandoned. For such a large city, with such tall buildings, the lack of everything was appalling. "Where are we?" The ghost still didn't respond. "What happened here?"

"Everyone is at home social distancing like they should, but there have been some major improvements," the future ghost said.

"Like what?!"

"Look." America's eyes followed the ghost's gloved hand as it pointed.

They watched as China and Mexico walked by having a conversation

"You're looking a lot better"

"Si, amigo. Gracias to my instant citizenship and universal health care!"

"I still can't believe they abolished the police system too."

"See, I told you it was gonna be easy moving to America!"

"Wait that can't be!" America looked at the Russian looking ghost, who was smiling. "What kind of Hell is this? Is this what Lucifer has been talking about?"

"Nyet, comrade. The devil had nothing to do with this: this future was always inevitable."

"And what is this future?"

The ghost smiled even wider and chuckled. "Why, you are Socialist of course!" He said it with such jubilation, but it felt like he was breathing daggers into America's chest rather than speaking. Him, America, a communist? It could never be…

"N-no, you're lying. Fake news," he said in shock, backing away.

The ghost waggled his finger. "Ah ah ah, that doesn't work anymore. At this point in the timeline, there was a global revolution. You faced the consequences of capitalism."

"I WOULD NEVER! I'D RATHER DIE!"

The ghost's face became shrouded in shadows so that only his unsettling smile was visible. "Oh yeah, the other ghosts didn't show you yet."

"Wait a sec, I didn't mean-" America was cut off by them transporting to a graveyard. A tombstone sat in front of them. 'The United States of America,' it said, '1776-2020'. "That could be anybody," he said dismissively. The ground in front of him collapsed. His feet slipped on the snow and he started falling in. With little other choice, he grabbed onto the ledge of the tomb. Below him, the ground sank more and more. "No, please! I'm too young to die! Take a middle eastern country instead!" The future ghost didn't respond. America looked down to see that the sinking casket was opening. He looked back to the ghost. "Do I have to learn from my past? Or be more considerate of other countries? What do you want from me? I'll do anything!"

The ghost wrapped his freezing fingers on America's trembling arms. "Nyet, but you still have some hope. America, you have to make changes fast. But before that, stay six feet away. To the left, right, in front, or behind, it doesn't matter as long as it's six feet." He pulled on America's arms, making him dangle over the hole, the only thing keeping him up was ghostly grasp.

"Even six feet under would work."

With that, the ghost let go. "NOOOOOOO!" America screamed as he fell into the coffin at the bottom of the hole. He could feel the fiery depths of Hell below grow more powerful with every inch he plummeted. America closed his eyes to brace for impact.

Within the darkness of his eyelids, nothing happened.

...

His eyes shot open. He looked around, breathing heavily.

"What's wrong, Merica?" Lucifer asked, comforting his running mate.

"I'm in Hell! Is this apt punishment for my crimes? Eternal torture? Woe is me! Luci forgive me for I have sinned!"

"What are you talking about? We haven't gotten there...yet."

America realized he was in bed with Lucifer. He must have fallen asleep.

"Oh Luci, I had the wildest dream! You were there, and you were there, and YOU were there"

"What are you talking about, you abandoned all the other countries."

"It's not too late! I can change! I can CHANGE! I still have a chance!"

America runs to the window and sees Puerto Rico still in his work's uniform walking in the snow.

"What day is it, my fellow country?"

"Que? It's New Year's Eve, of course! What other holiday would it be?"

America turned back inside slamming the window. "Did you hear that Luci! This year is finally f***ing over! But there's something I have to do!"

Seeming to be hungover, America stumbled into the warmly lit room from before to find the other countries, not dressed up like ghosts in the slightest. "See, I told you that you couldn't handle Spirytus Vodka," Russia said, then drank some straight from the bottle.

"You've been out for hours, eh," Canada added.

Britain nodded. "Yeah. You're bloody lucky you didn't miss it."

"Miss it?" America questioned.

Germany glanced back at America with a raised eyebrow. "Ja, zee ball drop. It's a tradition zat you started."

Looking at the clock, he saw that it was 11:36. Only a few more minutes were left to save 2020. "Don't worry guys,I know this year has been hard on all of us, but we survived together and I couldn't have done it without you guys, thank you! God bless us, everyone!"

"What has happened to America? Is he possessed again?" Japan asked.

"I do not know, but I rather like zis aimant side of him," France purred as he put down his protest sign.

Lucifer came into the room. "Luci!" America exclaimed, catching the demon's attention. "I know what I have to do! Let's make a deal!" as quickly as they entered, they left again. The countries were left there to stand in confusion.

It was 11:57 when America made it back to the other countries with presents in his hands. He plopped them on the table. "Merry Christmas everybody!"

"It's New Year's, you-" Britain started to say, but then he sighed. "I won't fight it" Britain was the first to unwrap his present, he couldn't believe what was inside. "Blimey…" he mumbled.

"Vhat is it?" Germany asked.

Britain looked from his present to America. "This can't possibly be the Coronavirus vaccine is it?"

He smiled. "Yep! The Pfizer vaccine! It really will be a happy New Year! F*** 2020!"

"Wow America, that's amazing!" Canada said.

Germany looked astonished. "I can't believe it… You actually did something useful…"

"Friends, look, it is time," Russia said, drawing their attention to the screen. It was 11:59, 11 seconds to midnight.

"Desyat," he counted.

"Nuen," Germany continued.

"Hachi," Japan added.

"Sette," Italy mumbled in his sleep

"Six," Britain said.

"Cinq," France added.

"My new year is two months away," China said.

"Tres," Mexico exclaimed.

"Deux." Canada said.

"One!"

Altogether, as one Earth, they yelled "HAPPY NEw yea-" All of them stopped. The ball stayed in place and the clock didn't click to midnight, but instead turned to 11:60. 2020 hasn't ended.

… It never will.

WILL NOT BE CONTINUED...however...

There will be a thirteenth chapter of America and other countries explaining the references and responding to some of your comments! January 15, 2021 will be the deadline to have us respond in the next chapter, thank you so much for reading and making it this far!


End file.
